There are many useful things to understand about conflict. A first one is that conflict is going to happen in any love relationship. There are some good ways to deal with conflict and a lot of bad ways.
There are many unhealthy ways to deal with conflict. Attacking your mate is obviously one of the bad ways. You can attack your partner verbally or non-verbally. Shouting or screaming, mocking them or treating them with disdain are some of the biggest relationship killers.
There are a few things you can do that are healthy when conflict arises. One of the first things you can do is take a breath. Breathe. This will help you to notice that we all often revert to the emotional age of 7 year old's during conflict.
While breathing, also see if you can notice that conflict causes crappy behavior. Crying, screaming, withdrawing, insulting each other. But the crappy conduct only last a few minutes in most cases. See if you can stop taking it so personally.
Another useful thing to do is aim to de-escalate the conflict. Keep it from getting more heated and angry when possible. Sometimes you need to say I need a few minutes to get myself under control, then walk away. Withdraw for ten minutes or so. Don't withdraw for hours or days, as shutting your partner out has been shown by researchers to cause great damage to a relationship.
Research has shown that another important thing to do with conflict is not to withdraw affection. If you argue, don't then withhold affection for a day or two as a way to punish your partner. This creates lasting damage.
Next, try to reconnect with your mate after the argument. Don't wait days to talk civilly to them again. Once things have cooled down, even if you don't think it was your fault, reconnect. Say "sorry we fought, are you okay?" Do not let the anger between you linger.
Dealing well with conflict takes practice and time to learn. But it is well worth it. You're going to argue, the question is can you do so in a way that doesn't kill off your relationship over time.
There are many unhealthy ways to deal with conflict. Attacking your mate is obviously one of the bad ways. You can attack your partner verbally or non-verbally. Shouting or screaming, mocking them or treating them with disdain are some of the biggest relationship killers.
There are a few things you can do that are healthy when conflict arises. One of the first things you can do is take a breath. Breathe. This will help you to notice that we all often revert to the emotional age of 7 year old's during conflict.
While breathing, also see if you can notice that conflict causes crappy behavior. Crying, screaming, withdrawing, insulting each other. But the crappy conduct only last a few minutes in most cases. See if you can stop taking it so personally.
Another useful thing to do is aim to de-escalate the conflict. Keep it from getting more heated and angry when possible. Sometimes you need to say I need a few minutes to get myself under control, then walk away. Withdraw for ten minutes or so. Don't withdraw for hours or days, as shutting your partner out has been shown by researchers to cause great damage to a relationship.
Research has shown that another important thing to do with conflict is not to withdraw affection. If you argue, don't then withhold affection for a day or two as a way to punish your partner. This creates lasting damage.
Next, try to reconnect with your mate after the argument. Don't wait days to talk civilly to them again. Once things have cooled down, even if you don't think it was your fault, reconnect. Say "sorry we fought, are you okay?" Do not let the anger between you linger.
Dealing well with conflict takes practice and time to learn. But it is well worth it. You're going to argue, the question is can you do so in a way that doesn't kill off your relationship over time.
About the Author:
You can learn much more about intimacy fulfillment in the free course 7 Vital Intimacy Insights Your Mamma Couldnt Teach You at How To Have The Loving Relationship You Want. Johnnie S Laney teaches social intelligence classes and you can get more here Love Relationship Advice Help.